I have noticed a major divorce trend amongst couples who have been married for well over 20 years. I don't understand, what causes them to take such drastic decisions?
Over time, marriage problems are bound to occur as bad habits inevitably creep up. Fortunately, by becoming aware of your own poor relationship habits, there are concrete actions you can take to reverse the tide and put your marriage back on the love boat.
BY: Mort Fertel
Poor communication is the reason why marriages and other long-term relationships fail.
I would also lump the category of "lack of conflict resolution skills" under the "poor communication" category. Different styles of communication are especially common between men and women, although these differences are also present in same sex relationships. For example, when one spouse is direct or brusque, his or her words may be interpreted by the other spouse as unkind or even hostile. Even with similar styles of communication, partners must develop skills for finding the right time and style of delivery to resolve interpersonal and other issues together as a couple.
In my experience, I often see that one partner is disinterested in developing those communication skills that are essential to...
by Valerie J. Botter
Poor boundaries. Engaging in intimate conversations with members of the opposite sex leads to emotional experiences that cloud judgment, trigger fantasy life, and progress toward physical intimacies outside of marriage.
The connection and acceptance found in an illicit relationship diverts energy away from solving problems with one’s spouse. Confiding about marital problems with a sympathetic listener provides a contrasting experience to whatever dissatisfactions might be present...
By DR. VAL FARMER
It reached the Expiry date. The idea of a marriage expiring is never really taken into account. For many couples in long term marriages and then splitting apart, having to look back on their marriage and say yes I had a great marriage for this amount of time, is much better than saying that their marriage failed....
By Dawn Michael
No matter how much time you two spend together, the key to a long lasting marriage is never to take each other for granted. You should frequently remind the other person how special you feel he/she is.
As a therapist, I would believe that people learn and grow from their mistakes, but this may not be the case.
Statistics show that in the U.S., 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 74% of third marriages end in divorce.
Second marriages have difficulty for a number of reasons. First, once a person discovers that he or she can manage a divorce, they are less scared of going through the process again. If things get tough, they may call in the divorce attorneys and use the same exit strategy they used to solve the problems in their last relationship.
By JAY GRANAT
If you expect your partner to make you happy, you are demanding love. If you were happy when you were single, you’re more likely to be happy in your relationship. And when you’re happy, you can focus on “sharing your love” instead of “demanding happiness.”
Do you see how this can make a world of difference in your relationship? When you go from “needing” love, affection, and support to fill a hole in yourself, to “sharing” love and happiness from a place of fullness, your relationship (and life!) will blossom into something truly amazing and lasting.
The marriage was never really very good, and they wait to divorce until after the children are older. One person is having an affair—and is discovered. About 25-33% of marriages cannot recover from affairs. One person falls in love with another person. One spouse can no longer tolerate the abuse—verbal, physical or sexual. Abuse is still one of the highest reasons people divorce. Often, one spouse tolerates the abuse for a relatively long time. What makes that person say “enough” is: (a) maturity; the person is in therapy and the help kicks in; (b) one or more of the children are “little adults” who speak up; and (c) the legal system has finally listened or responded—there are charges, trials and/or prison sentences.
The Unhealed and Unresolved Effects of Past Injuries
This is a much larger topic than can be adequately addressed here. But because it is so very important to every person and every marriage, I must say something at least by way of introduction.
There is a saying that, "Time heals all wounds." Unfortunately this is not true. Healing may take time, but time is not the reason why wounds heal. A small cut in a dead body does not heal, even if we wait a long time. On the other hand, a small cut does heal when the cut is in a living body. It is the "life" in the living body that brings healing. Time does not heal. Life heals.
One of the more sinister aspects of sin is that it damages the human soul—our mind, will and emotions. Like the bite from a poisonous snake, there is a two-fold damage. First the fangs pierce the flesh—that’s bad enough. But it’s the poison that is injected into the body that causes the real damage. Sinful words and acts inject a lethal poison that cripples the human soul. Time does nothing to remove the poison or heal the damage.
Unfortunately, most of us have been taught otherwise. We think that if an injury to the soul happened a long time ago then it has been healed.
If the feelings are warm, a husband and wife can enjoy one another's company, overlook a partner's troubling or annoying traits, communicate adequately, and still express affection.
But when the feelings cool, one or both find they have no reserves or capability to love an obviously imperfect person. Now needs are not met, which causes hurt, which promotes defensiveness, which reduces positive communication, which heightens misunderstanding, which provokes conflict, which fuels anger and bitterness. If forgiveness and reconciliation do not break this downward spiral, the ability to love one another is paralyzed.
This pattern in nearly all relationships may be avoided for awhile as long as the tough issues that provoke selfishness do not exist or are obscured. But sooner or later reality hits. In spite of a couple's best intentions, they eventually realize that two independent people cannot both have all of their needs met all of the time.
The growing independence between genders is thought to be one of the reasons for the significant increase in the incidence of divorce. Women have become more financially independent and men have become increasingly more domestically independent. As these gender roles break down, each gender becomes more self-sufficient in both arenas. When one person is financially irresponsible the whole pie is askew. If your partner continues to squander, than your future is built on quicksand and the safety and security for a strong bond is frayed and will break. When one person in the house continuously does more than the other the bond will so strain as well.
Most people don't realize that they aren't exactly compatible but are living a compromise. It is true that nothing in life is ideal and people can work through compromises as well, but mostly this is what leads to an eventual breakdown, when couples get tired of compromising.
Across the life span. As the time passes away the priorities, perspectives and interests of people gets changed. If both of life partners agree over these changes probably the things remain smooth however if not usually the marriages fail.
Marriages don't just end overnight. Nobody just wakes up, turns over and looks at their partner of 20 years and says, "Hey, this isn't working out for me. Last night was great, but you know what, I want to end this marriage today."
When a marriage ends, it's been ending for a long time, except one party always seems to be blind to all the warning signs.
If you're a woman that's had trouble processing your divorce, processing why your marriage ended, these are a couple of things that I'd like you to do to really start to understand.
One of the first things you need to do is really go back in time and take a look at the warning signs. They were there the whole time.
Think about maybe a vacation you took apart.
Think about how often he was working late.
David Wygant
Life becomes a routine and we look for a change. Routine is never good and gets people board. Slowly but surly most people start taking each other for granted. When that happens over extend period of time, people tend to look towards others. This leads to breakups.
Why do so many long-married couples decide to split? How can people be so happy for so long, only to then have the marriage turn sour in what are supposed to be their "golden years" together?
In most cases, the reasons are far less dramatic. Some relationships have been in decline for decades and finally lose all their juice. A marriage doesn't usually just blow up. It's more like a balloon that has been seeping air for a long time. After a while, it's totally deflated.
Another possibility is that a couple's issues intensify. Most problems are manageable, but then something sends them into hyperdrive. It could be a change in jobs, health,
Dr. Pepper Schwartz,
I am a Mormon and was marriage in the Temple. This is considered sacred. I rushed into the marriage and no matter what I tried it was not a good fit. I tried and tried for years to see this marriage succeed but after 22 years I realized it wasn't going to work. I was in my 40s so I left to make the best of the time I had left.
China's peer-to-peer industry, known as internet finance locally, began growing explosively around 3 years ago.purchase email marketing lists “It was led by Alibaba, which launched an interesting money market fund product called Yu'e Bao [in June 2013]," says Barry Freeman, an American expat who co-founded leading Chinese internet finance company Jimubox in 2013.
"It was really the beginning of a tidal wave of Chinese investors moving their capital online. We launched our product right about the time that product [Yu'e Bao] was gaining mass market acceptance and have been able to grow our business very successfully thanks to mobile uptake."
Ryan Lichtenwald/LenditJimubox CFO and co-founder Barry Freeman, left, and CEO and co-founder Allen Dong.Freeman says there's been a "perfect storm" of conditions for peer-to-peer lending in China. The country's state-controlled banking system doesn't offer credit to consumers or small businesses, creating pent-up demand. Freeman says only around 2% of small businesses have access to loans, but they make up 60% of the economy. On the
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Having a healthy relationship is blissful and if you’re in one then count yourself as the happiest person on this earth.
Category: Beauty & Personal Care | 10 years, 1 month(s) ago
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